Dust settling

We are three days into Lukas’ chemo treatment and I am realizing how hard it is going to be this time around.  I used to say that I was so grateful that he was diagnosed at such a young age, because he wouldn’t remember anything that we went through, and because he would be done before school started.  Now, unfortunately that is not the case.  He will remember this (maybe not super well, but more than the first two years.)  The other thing that I am realizing is that a baby is so much easier to comfort than a toddler.  I was still nursing Lukas and I did until he was two and half, so anytime he got upset, or anytime he was getting poked, I would nurse him and it would immediately comfort him.  He felt safe in mommies arms.  He trusted me.  Now, almost three, it breaks my heart each time we go into the hospital.  I actually dread going, because I know the battle that we are about to face.  Lukas gets so upset, crying, fighting, and then he looks at me with his beautiful big blue eyes and screams “Mommy!”  I know he is thinking “why are you letting them hurt me?”

Man, I wish I didn’t have to!  I wish I could take him away from all of the pain, away from all the pokes, away from all the drugs that make him feel so terrible, but I know that for the moment this is the best for him.

I know that a lot of you are wondering what Lukas’ prognosis is, and all I can say is that he team feels very confident that after 2+ years of his treatment he will beat this thing, Lord willing once and for all!  His prognosis is better now than it was when he was first diagnosed, which is encouraging, but it does not come easy.

Our big goals now is to keep Lukas healthy!  I was reminded today (like I always am when getting discharged) of the rules for when to call the doctor or when to come to the ER.  Because of his suppressed immune system, we have to go to the ER if he has a temperature of 101 or if he has two 100.5 temps in half hour increments.  I know that the Lord has my little Lukas in his hands, but I also know that he entrusted Lukas to our care, so there is a lot of responsibility that rides on us.

We had the inspector come to our home this morning, and after we seriously considered selling the house (mind you one month after buying it,) we have committed to putting the money into it to make it safe for Lukas and the rest of our family.  The test alone was $1200 and that is after we already paid our home inspector just under two months ago and an additional mold specialist three weeks over $1100 total!  We will get our full report later this week, but we already know that it will be extensive!  Some of you might be wondering why we bought this home in the first place, and all I can say is that we had a home inspection and we had NO IDEA the extent of the problem!  As you can imagine, being “homeless” on top of our new news with Lukas has been super challenging, but we serve such a good God!

Just after I had my first break down (after I got clocked in the eye with a light and was icing it and wiping away the blood,) I realized that although I had no place to raise my family at the moment, the Lord had a plan.  After I wiped the tears away, I found out that a family from out church was on vacation and so generously offered their home to us for the week!  The Lord immediately heard my cries!  Now this was a temporary solution, as it would only take us through Friday, but he provided again!  We have another family friend who has offered for us to stay in their town home while they are away for the whole month of August!  I was comforted by Psalm 34: 4-7

“4 I sought the Lord, and he answered me;
    he delivered me from all my fears.
⁵ Those who look to him are radiant;
    their faces are never covered with shame.
⁶ This poor man called, and the Lord heard him;
    he saved him out of all his troubles.
⁷ The angel of the Lord encamps around those who fear him,
    and he delivers them.”

Thank you Jesus for hearing my prayers and directly comforting my family through this!  Thank you to all my wonderful friends and family who are praying and are so willing to help!  I can’t tell you how much I want to NOT be that family that needs help again.  I though that we were finally getting to the point in our lives that we could fully give back, but here we are again.

“For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up! Again, if two lie together, they keep warm, but how can one keep warm alone? And though a man might prevail against one who is alone, two will withstand him—a threefold cord is not quickly broken.” Ecclesiastes 4:10-12

Lukas will NEED your prayers big time on Thursday, as he is scheduled to get his line put back in.  This is a surgical procedure, so he will not be able to eat or drink until after the completed surgery.  This is especially difficult for a toddler on steroids!  He will also have to get another spinal tap.  This is to drain some of the leukemic cells from his Central Nervous System.  He will also receive his next round of chemo.  This is going to be a tough visit for him, so we will need a wave of prayer on Thursday.

I was reflecting on this song last night.  I hope that it is a comfort to you as well.